The Art of Martyrdom

Have you got what it takes?


Issue number 12
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If fame has always eluded you, then perhaps you should consider becoming a martyr. Many have found that the path to immortality lies in making a martyr of themselves.
Be the Son of God.
Failing that, claim that you are.
Teach the true path to redemption and enlightenment.
Or claim that you do.
Be popular among the masses.
If popularity is difficult to achieve, then try among the young, the disillusioned and the ignorant. Drugs can help.
Wear unusual clothes. All in one colour helps.
When anyone makes fun of you, or the clothes you have chosen (and they will) forgive them. Very publicly, and at the top of your voice.
Always speak in metaphors. This will make you seem more intelligent, and mean that nobody can prove you wrong.
Grow a beard.
Achieve notoriety among members of the establishment by threatening the status quo.
Die. For preference, make this a horrible death, tragically young.
Make regular appearances in chip shops, shopping malls, &c. once you have successfully died.
If all else fails, transcend the physical boundaries of this mortal coil and appear, bathed in shimmering light, on the chat show circuit.
The origins of language. Return to the top of the page. Return to the front cover. A regular monthly insight into the lives of our six-legged colleagues.
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