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Where do ghosts go at Christmas time?
To see the Phantomime.
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Harry was always very sentimental about Christmas. Every year he'd take his socks off and stand them up by the fireplace.
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Why does Father Christmas come down chimneys?
Because they soot him.
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I'll tell you what I like about Christmas. Kissing girls under the mistletoe.
I prefer kissing them under the nose.
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What pantomime is set in a chemist's shop?
Puss in Boots.
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What did Mrs Christmas say to her husband during the storm?
Come and look at the reindeer.
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What will happen to you at Christmas?
Yule be happy.
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Why is a lion in the desert like Christmas?
Because of its Sandy Claws.
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For our next Christmas dinner, I'm going to cross a chicken with an octopus so we can each have a leg.
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Why couldn't Cinderella go to the ball?
Because it had a puncture.
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Here's your present - a box of your favourite chocolates.
Thanks! Hang on, it's half empty!
Well, they're my favourite chocolates too...
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What is brown, has four feet, a hump and is found in Alaska?
A lost camel.
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