The Surrealist Worker : The Art of Pop Stardom.

The Art of Pop Stardom Have you got what it takes?	Issue number 11

Have you always wanted to be famous? Do you think that a career in the music industry is for you? Here are some tips to help you become a pop superstar!

First and foremost, you must be beautiful/handsome as appropriate for your sex. Try not to be a handsome woman, or beautiful man as it only confuses people.

If you are female, be about 16 years of age. 18 is pushing it. If you still haven't made it by 20, then you're doing something wrong. Check through the rest of these tips to see if there's anything you can do about it.

If you are male, you can be significantly older. Maybe even into your mid-twenties.

If you find that you really can't be young enough, then pretend. Learn all the current slang terms, and drop them into any conversation you may be, like, having. Y'know? Remember to only learn phrases from people younger than 16, or they'll be out of date. Once you become successful it's much easier as then you can tell people what the fashionable phrases are.

If you are male, try to be four or five people at once. If this is impossible, then find three of four friends who look like you. Try to make sure that at least one of them is gay, or at least looks it, but denies it vehemently if asked. This tactic works for women too, but isn't as necessary.

Don't understand words like "vehemently".

Don't have any talent whatsoever. If anyone finds out that you can sing, dance or write music, then your career will be over.

Marry/sleep with a record producer.

If you follow the above advice, but still are unsuccessful, then be grateful for the fact that you don't have to worry if all your "friends" are only interested in your money.

If you still want success in the music industry, but find that you are too old, then maybe you'll suit Rock Stardom better. Look out for The Art of Rock Stardom, coming soon!

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Have you got what it takes?