Yogurt - The Truth! |
 Issue number 14 |
 |
The first proposition is that yogurt is a naturally occurring compound. This may seem far away from our ideas of it being a kitchen commodity, but consider any recipe for yogurt. As well as a certain quantity of additional ingredients, there will always be yogurt included in the recipe. This principle works on the same basis as growing crystals in a saturated solution. The initial inclusion of yogurt acts as a seed, around which the other ingredients gradually deposit further layers, thus growing the yogurt over time. Eventually, all the molecules in the test 'recipe' will rearrange themselves into the chemical formula for yogurt.
This is obviously the most efficient means of mass producing yogurt, and any lumps of fruit in the final product are just the result of impurities in the original mixture. True creation of yogurt, rather than just it's growth, is a far less efficient method for mass production, however it is still relatively simple. All that is required is some sort of vegetable matter and a refrigerator. Place the vegetable into the fridge, and just leave it to mature. Over time, the combination of the temperature conditions, and the increased pressure at the base of the vegetable under the weight of the rest of the vegetable above generate the perfect conditions to transform virtually any vegetable into yogurt. This works fastest with the softer fruits, but given enough time, pretty much anything will undergo the conversion.
The alternative scenario, and this is much less likely, is that yogurt is in fact an alien intelligence which has arrived and is gradually taking over our fridges. Again, the ability to reproduce itself suggests this, and also explains the virtual absence of yogurt a mere 20 years ago. The invasion has begun!
|
|
|
|