This is The News

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Issue number 20
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A selection of unintentional news stories.

British customs officers seized 407 pounds of macaroni aboard a ship from marijuana hidden in packets of India, it was learned Saturday. The haul, estimated to be worth at least $100,000, is one of the largest ever seized in Britain.

Mr John McCutcheon is married to Susan Dart of New Orleans instead of going to Australia as he requested.

This is a perticularly serious offence which we have had to deal with severely, as a detergent to anyone in the same mind.

Do not wash the plastic ear pieces of your stethoscope with fragrant, floral scented soaps. If you do, bees will fly in your ears looking for honey.

Mr Aitchison said he first became interested in drinking beer upside down after he saw a man drinking beer with his feet tied to a crane.

Unemployment in California dropped slightly last month although the number of people out of work increased.

FOR SALE: Czechoslovakia (1991 - 70 million tourists)

The Headlines again:

Burglars are spoiling Bacup for everyone else

Mobile lovers are judged by bills

Sex Education Delayed, Teachers Request Training

Bank Drive-in Windows Blocked By Board

Rats protest at rundown city houses

Artificial Limbs Centre has new head

Dead man fought when drunk

Everything you don't need to know about Ice. Return to the top of the page. Return to the front cover. What have the stars in store for you this month?
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