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Issue number 5

Published: 01-9-2000

Make a B-line for somewhere else.

It's in the Stars
Your monthly astrology report
by Psychic Psue

Capricorn
(Dec 22-Jan 20)
The movements of comets through the solar system mean that the end of the world is nigh.
Aquarius
(Jan 21-Feb 19)
All these crazy ideas are nothing more than the usual over-reaction to perfectly normal, rationally explainable events.
Pisces
(Feb 20-Mar 20)
The chances of anything coming from Mars are a million to one, but still they come.
Aries
(Mar 21-Apr 20)
You should use some judgment when reading the lurid reports in the more gullible papers.
Taurus
(Apr 21-May 21)
Repent now, before it is too late.
Gemini
(May 22-Jun 21)
There is nothing to fear. The hand of the Almighty will protect his believers.
Cancer
(Jun 22-Jul 23)
It's time for drastic measures. We must find out what is required by THEM and be prepared to whatever THEY want.
Leo
(Jul 24-Aug 23)
The joining of dubious cults, painting yourself red, or sacrificing turnips is not something to be attempted. This will just make you seem silly at the end of the month.
Virgo
(Aug 24-Sep 23)
We're all going to die! It's the end of life as we know it!
Libra
(Sep 24-Oct 23)
Life is an illusion, so there's no point getting all stressed about it.
Scorpio
(Oct 24-Nov 22)
Head for the hills! They're coming! They're coming!
Sagittarius
(Nov 23-Dec 21)
There is no cause for alarm. Keep calm. Remain in your homes.

Make a B-line for somewhere else.

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