This is The News |
 Issue number 11 |
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Theives nicked 200 sausages from a restaurant at Gatwick Airport. Police said: "We're looking for someone with a large barbecue."
A man trying to retrieve a mobile phone dropped in a lion's cage in Mexico was mauled when the phone suddenly rang and woke up the lion.
A humble apology to all Liverpool FC football fans in Skegness, in last week's news, we stated that their anthem was the song "You'll Never Walk Again".
Ireland's Nigerian born Monopoly champion, Ecumdeo Badmus, 37 from Dublin, has changed his name to Ecumdeo O'Badmus to sound more Irish.
Frank Shackleton Fergus, who has died aged 89, was the first man to x-ray a duck billed platypus.
Worker dead at desk for 5 days
Bosses of a publishing firm are trying to work out why no one noticed that one of their employees had been sitting dead at his desk for FIVE DAYS before anyone asked if he was feeling okay. George Turklebaum, 51,who had been employed as a proof-reader at a New York firm for 30 years, had a heart attack in the open-plan office he shared with 23 other workers. He quietly passed away on Monday, but nobody noticed until Saturday morning when an office cleaner asked why he was still working during the weekend. His boss Elliot Wachiaski said: "George was always the first guy in each morning and the last to leave at night, so no one found it unusual that he was in the same position all that time and didn't say anything." A post mortem examination revealed that he had been dead for five days after suffering a coronary.
The Headlines again:
Mike Tyson accused of cruelty to ferrets
Police want extra eyes to catch impaired drivers
Slave sale aids charity
Woman swims 12 miles after sinking
Bug spawns 100 year old babies
Dog accused of racism
Man shaved for using Prophetess' toilet
Sheep answers monk's prayer
Army felled by sheep
Haddock leads the race for top farmers' job
Children can glow safely
Elf bribed to get plant
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